Florenda Kalugdan is the epitome of a multi-tasking wife and a local official of Barangay Bonliw in Torrijos, Marinduque. Not only is she the sole female kagawad member in their community, she also heads the committees on health and anti-violence against women and children and serves as a midwife and a health care worker. All her activities have earned Flor a reputation of being tough and strong, which she credits to her being unafraid of speaking her mind and standing up for what she believes in. However, while her confidence made her the go-to person for a lot of people in the community, it also put a wedge between her and her husband, Manny.

Under the “saya”

According to Flor, her husband was the quintessential husband who was “under the saya” . “Dati sinasabi sa akin ang asawa ko ‘under’. Hindi ko naman pinapansin iyon dahil inisip ko totoo iyan ,” she said with a sheepish grin.

The roles she and her husband had in the family were atypical. “Kumbaga baliktad ,” she said. “Pagluluto, paglilinis, paglalaba dati nakatali sa asawa ko. Ultimo pagdidisiplina sa bata sa kanya. Ako iyong parating nasa labas ng bahay ,” she quipped.

The role reversal is due to Flor’s instigation. As she said, “Nangyayari kasi dati ako lahat ang nagdedesisyon, kaya nga sinasabi ko, ‘Ikaw gumawa ng gawaing bahay, kasi lahat naman ako.’ Ganoon ang katuwiran ko noon. ‘Diyan ka sa bahay, maglaba ka.’ Nakakahiya man sabihin, pero talagang noong time na iyon, siya ang naglalaba. .”

This aspect of their relationship did not just happen at home, it also carried over outside the house. Fo r example, whenever her husband would play basketball after work, she would go to the court to pick him up. “Talagang sinusundo ko, at uuwi siya kahit nasa gitna siya ng laro. Basta sinitsitan ko ay nauwi na siya sa bahay, kasi kapag hindi sinunod, sinisigawan ko .”

It was not just limited to basketball. Whenever Manny would step out of the house, Flor would automatically ask where he is going. “Dati ugali ko iyon, na kahit saan siya magpunta, ‘Saan ka?’ Pero ako hindi niya sinisita, kasi ‘pag sinita niya ako, matapang ako, away na .”

Their relationship was the source of amusement for many of the members of the community. “Nakakatawa doon sa iba, pero kung iisipin mo, hindi talaga ,” said Flor.

Realization

It was when Flor attended a gender sensitivity training through Kapit-Bisig Laban sa Kahirapan-Comprehensive and Integrated Delivery of Social Services (Kalahi-CIDSS) that she realized the consequences of her actions.

Kalahi-CIDSS is one of the core social protection programs of the Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) in poverty alleviation. It is a community-driven development (CDD) program that seeks to empower ordinary citizens to actively and directly participate in local governance by identifying their community needs, planning, implementing, and monitoring projects together to address local poverty issues. The integration of gender and development (GAD) in Kalahi-CIDSS is currently being piloted in two communities, with Torrijos being one of these, along with Madalag in Aklan. One aspect of the GAD integration is training the volunteers in gender sensitivity training.

The seminar gave Flor the courage to speak in front of all of the attend. “Hindi ko ikinahiya iyong sinabi ko noon kasi totoo naman ang mga iyon ,” she said, adding that other people tried to keep her from talking about her experience because of how embarrassing it was. “Naintindihan ko na ang itinuro sa akin, na dapat pahalagahan mo ang asawa mo. Babae man o lalaki, dapat may respeto sa isa’t-isa. Hindi por que ikaw ang nagtatrabaho o ikaw ang mataas ang pinag-aralan sa kanya ay ganoon mo na lang siya ituring ,” she shared.

The training was a turning point in Flor’s life. “Na-realize ko na bilang chairperson ng committee ng Anti-Violence Against Women and Children, dapat ako ang model ,” she emphasized.

Flor now makes it a point to take care of her family. Unlike before when she was averse to housework, she now makes sure to wake up early in the morning to prepare her family’s meals. She also takes the time to help do the laundry and clean the house.

Noticing how she completely changed, her children would jokingly tease her, saying, “Mama, ano nakain mo at bigla kang naglalaba? ” Still, her family appreciated her efforts.

Her relationship with her husband completely transformed after she attended the seminar. “Mula nang mag-attend ako nung gender training, bihira na kami mag-aaway. Kung magtalo man kami, mamaya wala na. Hindi katulad nung dati na ako ay isip-bata na kung ano gusto ko, gusto, kahit ikaw pa man ang lalaki. Kung may problema ay napag-uusapan na ngayon ,” she shared.

More than that, she also learned to value her husband. “Natuto akong makinig. Natuto akong pahalagahan siya. Naisip ko na kawawa naman pala siya at pinapababa na niya ang tingin niya sa sarili niya dahil hindi siya nakapag-aral. Kaya ngayon kung gagawa siya ng desisyon, sige, suportahan ko na lang, at ganoon naman din ang ginagawa niya sa akin ”.

It was not just Flor whose behavior has changed through the training. Manny did as well. “Dati mainitin ang ulo ,” Flor shared. “Style niya dati masakit magsalita. Natuto na rin siyang makinig at makipag-usap ng maayos. Nakikipagpalitan na siya ng opinyon .” Flor smiled as she shared, “Sabi niya ang laking tulong nung seminar at nagtatanong kung kailan mauulit at a-attend na rin siya ”.

Manny also learned to be more caring toward his wife. “Dati wala siyang pakialam kung ano oras ako umuwi. Ngayon nagtatanong na siya. ‘Saan ka pupunta? Susunduin ba kita?’ Hindi niya alam dati kung ano oras ako uuwi, at hindi rin siya nagtatanong. Marunong na siyang maglambing ”.

Transformation in the community                     

The changes in Flor and Manny’s life became evident among the residents of Barangay Bonliw. Unlike before wherein Flor accepted Manny’s “under” label, she began telling people off about that. “Ngayon sinasabi ko na, ‘Hindi under iyan, sadyang mabait lang .” This, combined with Manny’s developed self-confidence, has raised him in the eyes of the community. “Dati sinasabihan nila ang mister ko na under, ngayon wala na. Umangat na rin ang tingin nila sa mister ko. Andiyan na rin ang paggalang ”.

The transformation in Flor’s life has now made her want to see these same changes happen in the lives of those who are going through what she and her husband experienced. She is now actively taking steps to advocate equality in the family. Her role as the chairperson of the Anti-Violence Against Women and Children has become more than just a title for her, as she now seeks to teach her fellow community members in how to prevent domestic violence, both inside and outside of the home. “Kapag nagkakaroon kami nang asembliya, parati akong nagsasabi na, ‘Itrato natin ng maayos ang ating asawa. Magkaroon tayo ng respeto sa bahay .” She added, “Kung makakakita ako ng ganyan rin ang trato sa asawa nila, naiisip ko, ‘Napagdaanan ko na iyan. Hindi maganda. Ang hirap dalhin.’ Kung may naririnig ako na nakipag-away sa asawa at pinahiya siya, pupuntahan ko at sasabihan ko na, ‘Huwag ganyan. Hintayin niyong umuwi kayo sa inyo bago kayo mag-usap ”.

Her advocacy is not just to foster harmony in homes, but also to strengthen the capacity of women in their barangay so they can take situational type of leadership roles as well. Her enthusiasm and her efforts are now paying off, as she was able to get 5% of the barangay Internal Revenue Allotment (IRA) to fund her GAD programs. She plans to use the budget to train residents, particularly women, in gender sensitivity and leadership so that they will also be able to play active roles in promoting equality. Flor hopes that in a few years’ time, there will be more female kagawad members and leaders in Barangay Bonliw.

For Flor, her transformation would not have been possible if she did not go through the training. As she said, “Mas masaya ako ngayon. Hindi pala por que wala kang masyadong pag-aari sa buhay ay hindi ka na puwede maging masaya. Sabi ko nga sa asawa ko, kung kailan tayo tumanda, kung kailan nag-40 na tayo, tsaka ako nag-mature. Masaya pala! ” What made the experience even more memorable for her was her realization that her story can also encourage others to grow. Although she was hesitant and shy about sharing her family’s situation with the other attendees during the GAD seminar, she mustered enough courage to do so because she knew that her story would encourage other women to move toward change and empowerment, and values that Kalahi-CIDSS actively develops among its volunteers.

Flor’s story is only one of the several that shows how Kalahi-CIDSS builds up human capital in order to promote increased participation in communities and poverty alleviation. With the approval of the National Economic Development Authority Board led by President Benigno Aquino III of the scaling up of Kalahi-CIDSS into a national program, DSWD hopes to transform more lives throughout the country. ###